What's this??
A post on THURSDAY???
Aaron are you feeling alright?
Have no fear. Everything is well. I just felt..."compelled" to write about a certain topic that I feel needs to be addressed today. It's a topic that has been haunting me for years even though I didn't recognize it until this week. It's something that I've actually avoided, subconsciously, for quite a while. This subject will most likely lose me some points with the ladies. This monstrosity? It's known as The Overly-Feminine, No-Man-Card-To-Be-Found store.
That's right. I'm talking about:
FAMILY CHRISTIAN BOOKSTORE.
Now. Before you get all upset and rush at me like a Florida Marlins 1st base coach over the fact that I just insulted the most popular Christian bookstore on the planet, hear me out.
I was talking with one of the students in our ministry this week and as we passed the store, we came to the conclusion that we just didn't feel like a man when we enter that store. If we need anything from there, we order online and hope nobody sees the package with the store logo sitting on our front step.
Guys, when was the last time you went into that store and came out feeling like a man? I mean, seriously. You can't help but walk into that store and feel multiple man cards being sucked away from you. AND IT'S A CHRISTIAN STORE!!
This store is full of Thomas Kinkade landscapes with random verses from Psalms scrolled out in gold ink, candles with "Bible-themed" scents, there are roughly 38 women's books to every 1 man-themed book, feminite bookmarks, cheesy thank you cards, feel-good verses on candy, and overpriced pictures of a calm and comforting Jesus, fuzzy-wuzzy lambs, or a calm and comforting Jesus holding a fuzzy-wuzzy lamb. Now, yes sometimes we need Jesus to be our Prince of Peace and our refuge in the tough times...
But where are the landscapes of bloody battlefields??? I want Thomas Kinkade to paint a epic portrayal of Gideon and his band of brothers slaughtering fools on the battlefield. I want a picture of Samson ripping a lion in half with his bare hands. I want a picture of Benaiah running an Egyptian through the gut with a spear! I want a picture of David chopping off Goliath's mug with Psalm 58:10 written below it. (For the record that verse says: "The righteous will rejoice when he sees the vengeance;He will wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.") Where are these portrayals?? I'd drop dolla dolla bills like they were hot on a picture of the Battle of Armageddon!
Candles that smell like the "Lillies of the Field?" No thanks. I'll take some MAN-dles. I want candles that smell like a Hittite blacksmith shop. I want candles that smell like the Sea of Galilee. I want to enjoy a nice soak after a long day while reading some C.S. Lewis as the scents of "Israelite Campground" fill my nostrils.
Books? Come on. Depending on the store, the Men's section (like legitiamte books) is confined to one shelf. There are tons of books for men that I would like to see on the shelf. I want more books from guys like Cliff Graham (http://knowthecovering.blogspot.com/) and stuff from Jon Acuff (stuffchristianslike.net). Books that challenge men to stand up and be men. Especially for men who aren't in "full-time ministry." There are tons of books for pastors and church leaders. What about the other men??
Seriously? A bookmark with a lazy river and a peaceful verse on it? No thanks. Give me a book mark in the shape of sword or a battle axe or the jawbone of a donkey. I'd laminate that sucker.
Ok. Now obviously this is meant to be a more humouros take on this tragedy I see in the Christian book store. Ladies need their trinkets and such from this store. Obviously the ladies tend to decorate more of the house so I can see how they would want some more peaceful decorations. But men, it's time to stand up. You need to gear up your man-cave in the Biblical way! The ladies have over run that store! So grab your mammoth swords in the likeness of Eleazar, grow out your beards, gird up your loins and make a stand!!
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